Beside Every Emotionally Unavailable Man Is An Emotionally Unavailable Woman

I don’t know what’s going on here…That’s been my mantra for the past week or so as I found myself starting something (that currently has no name) with someone.

The reason for all the emotions is that I’ve been emotionally unavailable for as long as I can remember. For years, I dated emotionally unavailable men as a way to not have to commit. I’d say that I wanted commitment (especially from my last situation that lasted about five years) but did everything that was opposite of that. Finally, I had the courage to understand my role in this and honored the truth as the beginning of my own healing: Commitment terrified me as much as it did the men that I was dating.

One of the things that I learned from this experience is that men get almost all of the flack for being non-committal. I could see it in how my friends defended me and romanticized my great qualities. However, once I started to peel back the layers of who I was, I realized that I was just as complicit. I had to own my barriers and fears of commitment (there were a few). That’s why I can say with confidence that for every non-commital man, there is an equally non-committal woman dating him. I know this will be tough for some women to hear, but you attract what you are and there’s just no way around that.

After a few years of doing the work to clear out my own demons, I’m now dating in a much different way. While dating guys that are into me and actually desire commitment is slightly terrifying, I now do it knowing that I’m ready for this.