Shannon S. Evans

But He Smokes…

Mon, 30 Aug 2010 13:53:49 +0000

He asked me if I smoked. Of course I replied that I didn’t. When he countered that he did, I didn’t expect to feel the disappointment that I did. After all, I’d only met him 10 minutes ago. Why did I care what (horrible, despicable) habits that he had?

Ten minutes ago, he approached me in the smoky reggae club and asked me to dance. An overture that I’ve grown accustomed to declining. But, I danced with him. It was only the beginning of breaking all the rules that I had about encounters with men in reggae clubs–No dancing with anyone that asks, no having a conversation, no giving out my number…and if for some reason all those get broken, definitely no answering the phone the next day.

That night, we danced, we talked, he walked me to my car and I gave him my number. When he called the next day, we talked for over an hour. The details of the conversation are murky at best. Actually, most of what’s occurred since then is covered in a thin layer of murk (I’m pretty sure I can’t use murk in such a way).

The next day, he sent me a message saying: Good morning. It’s the type of the thing that made me run in the other direction when other guys did it. But here I was smiling. And when he asked me to dinner later that evening, I found myself accepting.

In my mind, I knew this was going nowhere. I was intrigued, but he smoked. And that wasn’t even the worst of it. He didn’t believe in God. He wasn’t my type. (I don’t even have a type and yet, he’s not it). This was going nowhere.

But there we were at dinner at a cute restaurant in Atlanta…conversing easily…flirting. Dinner turned into a movie. A movie turned into a stroll. A stroll turned into a kiss…

We saw each other two more times that week. We talked for hours. We drank tea. Old ladies smiled as we walked aimlessly arm in arm. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and I didn’t even think about running when he did the same. It was all very…nice.

It’s been three weeks now and we’ve seen each other about a dozen times. If someone would have told me that I would be dating a smoker that didn’t believe in God, I would have scoffed at the idea (so much so that I did about a month ago when I wrote that it would never happen). I’m either maturing and allowing myself to be more open minded than I ever have or this is all very stupid and will blow up in my face in a few weeks.

I don’t know the answer yet.

And for now, I’m comfortable living the questions now and allowing the answers to come eventually (thanks Rilke).

No related posts.

Black Women Are Single. How is this Still News?

Wed, 11 Aug 2010 12:15:00 +0000

I was close to my breaking point a couple of months ago when Nightline hosted a townhall entitled, “Why Can’t A Successful Black Woman Find a Man.” It was just the latest story in a news cycle that seemed far past its expiration date. (Essence has a fascinating timeline of how this unfolded, check it out here.)

I was wondering then (as I’m wondering now after reading CNN’s latest story “Does the black church keep black women single?“): How is this still news?

Yes, black women are single. But are we really the only race with single women in it? Also, I’m a single black woman and I’m rather ok with it. Should I really be hanging my head in despair instead?

Maybe I just don’t see the problem, much less why it’s being viewed as a growing epidemic. It’s possible that it’s because I have 10 really close female friends and out of the group of us, two are married, one is engaged, five are in serious relationships and only three of us are single. For those of us that are single, I always assumed that we just haven’t found the right person yet and not that the world (the dating world) was against us and that it was all but hopeless for us to ultimately come in contact with the right person.

It’s also possible that it’s because I photograph weddings, of which a high percentage of those are black weddings. So, I constantly see black women getting married.

Furthermore, I’ve been dating in Atlanta for the past few months (where a majority of these studies are conducted and shows are taped) and I’ve realized that there are quality guys here. Now, they may not be the right fit for me and I might get thoroughly frustrated with dating, but it’s not because the men don’t exist. I’ve easily come across seven men that were educated and looking for someone serious (only one of which was a complete weirdo). For whatever reason, it didn’t work out with them, but it’s not because there was something wrong with either of us, we just didn’t mesh.

For these reasons, I’m just not buying the hype. It seems to me that highlighting the issue the way that these news organizations do, only make the problem worse. But who knows, maybe that’s the point.

And while I wish it would stop, I’ve already seen the future. I received the email below from an organizer of one of the meetup groups that I’m in.

A major cable network is looking for Atlanta’s hottest single African American women ages 27-35 to interview for our upcoming relationship series. We are looking for women that could go pro in the art of dating; who could write a book about her experiences and articulate them like tragic poetry on camera.

We are looking for relatable, approachable, outgoing women! We want women that are having a hard time understanding why they cannot meet anyone that they’re interested in having a second date with, let alone the man of her dreams…

Have you exhausted the supply of good-looking men in town? Are you convinced that every good-looking, available man is just that because they are players that will never settle down with one woman? Let us help you put an end to this crisis! In a town where the male population heavily outweighs the female, why is it so hard to find ‘the one’ in this day and age?

For whatever reason, you seemingly have it all, but you’re still single… This is not a show where you will receive tough love or dating advice from an ‘expert’. This is a documentary series about the honest ins and outs of a single African American woman in Atlanta.

If this sounds like you or someone you know please respond ASAP with your contact info, age, occupation and a couple of photos (close-up and full body).

Send to: kredcast@gmail.com.

When will it end, when will it end…

Phone Your Blog with WordPress

Fri, 06 Aug 2010 14:00:17 +0000

When I first heard of it, I was certain it was a hoax. But nope, it’s true. WordPress is now allowing users to call their blogs (sobers and drunks alike) and then have the files uploaded in the form of a post. The idea is pretty clever, however, I’m already feeling bad for all those people that will undoubtedly make jackasses of themselves. Here’s to the future… (Oh and by the way, let me take this moment to say that WordPress is the best blogging platform/content management system created. It boggles my mind that people use anything else.)

It’s happened to all of us. The night starts off innocently enough with a little gin and tonic, maybe a mojito, then next thing you know you’re doing tequila shots with the bartender and the girl from Brazil and you find yourself thinking it would be a treMENdous idea to call up your ex and see how they’re doing and perhaps impress them with your newfound wit.

We’ve got the cure. Now, instead of drunk dialing random friends, lovers, and acquaintances one at a time, what if you could dial your blog and talk to the whole world at once? It’d be like something out of Star Trek.

The future is now, folks. You can now go to your My Blogs tab, enable Post by Voice, and get a special number and code to call your blog. After you’re done, the audio file from your phone call will be posted to your blog for all to listen to and enjoy. (And added to your RSS feed for podcast support.)

So now you can post to your WordPress via the web, email, iPhone, Android, Blackberry, desktop clients, and now any telephone in the world. Of course when you post it can be pushed to Facebook, Twitter, and more using the Publicize feature. What more could you want?

Right now this is completely free, but we’ll charge you money to take down posts. Just kidding! We’re making it free and allowing recording lengths up to sixty minutes, but that limit may go down without a paid upgrade in the future. Mostly we’re just curious to see how people use this.

Read the rest here.

Sex Trafficking in the US and Abroad

Mon, 02 Aug 2010 15:33:45 +0000

Last night I watched the movie Trade. It’s been sitting in my Netflix queue for awhile now, but I’d heard that the movie, while great, was a bit disturbing. The reviewers were correct. The movie showed a very realistic account of how sex trafficking takes place throughout the world. It was based on a New York Times magazine article on subject. In that article from 2004, they estimate that there have been 100,000 to 150,000 sex slaves in the United States since 2001. (The FBI estimates that there are now 300,000 every year.) The girls, boys and women who become sex slaves can be found in cities like New York, Los Angeles, and Atlanta as well as middle-class suburbs.

In order for the business to work, these victims are rarely completely hidden. It’s just that many people don’t pay attention to the possibility that they around and it’s why they go unnoticed. That was the case in the New York Times article. A sex trafficking operation was held in a house in the suburbs in Plainfield, New Jersey. Many of the neighbors said they noticed a lot of girls going in and out of the house and men with expensive cars, but they didn’t realize what was happening.

A lot of this stuff completely shocked me. I knew about sex trafficking, but I honestly didn’t pay too much attention. When I realized that Atlanta was one of the busiest US centers for sex trafficking, I thought about how many times I’ve been in that airport…It’s just amazing what we’re not aware of when we don’t want to be aware.

I have a lot more thoughts, but I’m just not quite sure how to put them into words yet. For now, I’ve added a video clip and some links below.

Informational Links

The Project to End Human Trafficking

Children of the Night

Not For Sale

Susan Sarandon Speaks Out Against Child Sex Trafficking

ABC Article on Sex Trafficking in the US

Things On My Mind This Morning

It’s A Party

Fri, 30 Jul 2010 14:00:56 +0000

Last year, I attended/photographed the launch party for Julianne Smith garters. While there, I ended up striking up a great conversation with, Sugar, one of the future brides in attendance. However, instead of talking about weddings, we got into this huge conversation about entrepreneurship. She shared that she wasn’t quite happy with her job and really just wanted to quit and create…whatever.

Of course I told her to go for it. And I’m happy to say that she did! She’s having her launch party in DC on August 19 for her event planning creation company, DIYva Designs. If you happen to be in the area, check it out. She’s by far one of the most creative artists that I know and I’m always excited to see what she comes up with. If you can’t make it, check out the blog here.

RSVP here or by clicking on the flyer.

Are You Happy?

Wed, 28 Jul 2010 14:00:10 +0000

Isn’t this a great poster?

How to Be Happy

10 Things All Single People Must Do

Mon, 26 Jul 2010 14:00:23 +0000

I came across this list of 10 things all single people should do on Yahoo. Give it a read and let me know what you think.

1. Travel alone. Whether you’re trying to find your way through the Paris Metro or the London Underground, haggling over a painting in Mexico or choosing where to bed down in the Badlands, traveling by yourself builds a confidence you simply can’t get any other way. In an unfamiliar place, you have to make decisions by yourself, for yourself every day, which will build a self-reliance you’ll always treasure — even when you become part of a twosome.

2. Wallow in the ache of a broken heart. Oh, the pain. The agony. The pints of Ben & Jerry’s in front of the cable TV. Yep, getting dumped is beyond awful, but guess what? It’s the only way that you’ll develop the empathy you’ll need to be a better partner in a relationship. Because if you’re sensitive to the grief someone else has caused you, you’re less likely to do the same to anyone else. So, consider this painful milestone a lesson in karma that’ll serve you well as you travel through your dating days.

3. Spend a weekend with a married couple your age. On lonely nights, it’s common for single folk to envision marriage as a cozy scene from a classic film or mail-order catalog. But by spending 48 hours with a real couple, you’ll learn that in between the snuggling and pet names comes growling, bickering, silent treatments and maybe even a slammed door or two before they ultimately compromise. It will show you what married life is like, warts and all, so you won’t over-idealize the two-becomes-one phenomenon again.

4. Don’t come home all night. That’s right, wild thing. Crash on a friend’s couch, take your friends up on that offer of a last-minute trip… Once you have a mate, you can’t just take off on your own without explanation. And, truthfully, you won’t want to. So if you don’t have someone you have to call and check in with every few hours, take this opportunity to check out!

5. Stand up for a cause you care about. Whether you volunteer to help register voters for the next election (why not start early?) or convince your neighborhood or apartment complex to start recycling, get fired up over an issue while you have the time to devote to it. It will remind you that while, yes, finding your soul mate is pretty important, there are other issues at stake in the world that could use your help. And besides, the big-heartedness you’ll be cultivating is very attractive.

Read the rest here.

Red Bull Music Academy Radio

Fri, 23 Jul 2010 14:00:27 +0000

It’s been an outrageously long week. I’ve spent half of it in DC, I’m in Atlanta for a few days and tomorrow I’m headed back on the road to Baltimore. I’ve been shooting a lot and editing photos, so I haven’t had time to dedicate to working on my Carnaval project like I’ve wanted to. I was able to find out with my Brazilian contacts that it was indeed possible to have a bloco and I’ve assembled a good team there that can help. So now, I just need to see how to go about securing these acts and tying to get sponsors. I’m sure this will all be very easy.

As I was researching a lit of potential sponsors, I came across the Red Bull Music Academy Radio.

Red Bull Music Academy Radio is a web radio station that features hundreds and hundreds of exclusive live recordings, interviews, mixes, and documentary-style feature shows – with more uploaded each day. Launched as a spin-off of the Red Bull Music Academy workshop series in 2005, RBMA Radio has taken giant leaps over the past years, building a vast resource of content from more than 50 countries right across the globe.

What a find! If you like music from all over the world, you really have to check it out. I’ve embedded it into this post, but feel free to grab it from their website if it doesn’t work for some reason.

What’s Your Theme Music?

What’s Your Theme Music?

Fri, 16 Jul 2010 14:00:37 +0000

I was working on a fashion shoot concept for a new designer. I needed to know what type of woman he was designing for so I asked: What would be her theme music?

Since television programs started, theme songs have been used to set the mood for a show. I’ve found that it can also be done for individuals. It’s a trick I’ve been using for awhile with my photography. Since I like images to tell a story, I’ve found that putting it to music (usually I play something while I’m editing) helps set the tone for the final outcome.

I also use a theme song in more personal ways. If I need to feel a certain way, I just play the music in my head and it helps guide me through what I’m doing. It helps tell my story.

The song has changed over the years, but the one that is with me now is Erykah Badu’s Window Seat. The melody is sultry, laid-back and confident. It’s perfect for getting ready, walking down the street, heading into a business meeting, working in a coffee shop, flying out of town and just about everything else.

As great as I think the lyrics are, I think hearing the instrumental gives you a better idea of why I chose it for my theme music. Check it out below.

What would be your theme song?

Make the Interesting Mistakes

Wed, 14 Jul 2010 14:00:42 +0000

Mistakes are part of the dues one pays for a full life. ~Sophia Loren

I was talking to one of my friends in Brazil earlier this week. She was having a particularly bad day because things had just ended miserably with the guy that she traveled halfway around the world to be with. I felt bad for her. It’s a story that I’ve heard many times before and I’ve experienced it myself. She was beating herself up about it, because it was her second trip to Brazil for something she felt was a mistake.

As I tried to cheer her up, I reminded her that now she had no regrets. She no longer had to wonder several years from now how things would have turned out if she didn’t go. She knew the outcome and even though it hurt no, with time, she would heal from it. I also reminded her how beautiful of a city she was able to to still be in. (I mean seriously, if things are going to end badly, it’s nice to have sunshine and a beach to drown your sorrows in.) Her trips to Brazil still included great memories that she’ll always have.

Later that day, I came across a blog post that helped validate what I’d said. It contained a quote from playwright Edward Albee. He was relaying a story about a young writer who left school for a year to tour and write in Paris. When asked if the young writer was making the right decision, Albee said he probably wasn’t, but it was ok. He continued:

“I think people should be adventuresome,” Albee said. “I think people should make mistakes. Make the interesting mistakes. The trick is making more interesting mistakes and doing stuff that you may regret, but what’s wrong with that? There’s more regret in what you don’t do than what you do.”

Makes sense to me. In life, you’re bound to make mistakes. Making boring mistakes suck. It’s much better when you have a great adventure to tell about it. I have definitely made some interesting mistakes. I’ve learned from them and the memories still make me smile. And you really should never regret something that once made you smile.

Photo by Abnel Gonzalez. Gotta love flickr.