Shannon S. Evans » Life

Six Months Down

Tue, 05 Jul 2011 13:47:04 +0000

Half of the year has passed. It moved by quickly, but I’ve accomplished enough that I can’t complain about the pace. So far, 2011 has been a great year. I’ve accomplished a lot both professionally and personally…

I started to write this long post about what I’ve learned and blah blah blah. But I’m not going to do that. Instead, I’m going to sit down and write out my goals for the next sixth months. I’ll post them tomorrow.

Hope everyone is well!

New Month’s Eve

Wed, 02 Feb 2011 12:35:40 +0000

I decided a couple of days ago (January 31) that I would start celebrating New Month’s Eve. You guys are a savvy bunch so I probably don’t need to explain that it’s like New Year’s Eve, but at the end of each month. I learned a lot by preparing myself for the end of December so I figured why stop there. Why not do that same analyzing, soul searching, and goal planning at the end of every month? Why should positive changes only be made at the end of the year?

So far, it’s done wonders for me. I started the new year of great, even though the middle and end were a little rocky in my personal life. However, by getting rid of all of the negative stuff on New Month’s Eve, I’m in a great place right now. Things are looking great for the business and I’m in a good place emotionally. I couldn’t ask for anything more right now.

At the end of this month, I urge you all to give it a try. Prepare for each month the same way you do for a new year. Champagne and partying allowed!

I Was Being Insecure

Wed, 26 Jan 2011 11:13:02 +0000

I’m insecure.The thought hit me hard yesterday. I knew that I was questioning everything about the relationship, about myself. All of a sudden, I was feeling quite unsure of how I was supposed to act or feel. These thoughts had been consuming me for days…weeks.

It all started when we decided to give our relationship another try at the beginning of January. I knew that it would take time and work to get back to where we once were because so much had happened and a lot was said in the month that we were apart. This was an unfamiliar path for me. I’ve never gotten back together with someone after we’ve broken up. Something inside my brain just wouldn’t allow it to happen. I realize now that I feared abandonment and it was that same fear that made me insecure when I restarted this relationship.

Realizing this didn’t make me feel good. Nobody wants to label themselves insecure. However, the good thing about labeling it was that I also knew that I could decide if I wanted to keep this label or if I wanted to remove it. Insecure is definitely not something that I’m keeping.

I had a long talk with myself last night. I reminded myself that the only person that I was in control of was me. I know who I am. I know what I’ve achieved. I know where I’m going. There really just isn’t anything for me to be unsure of. And there certainly isn’t any time for it.

I don’t expect to be able to flip the switch overnight (It should take a few days). I’m just glad that I caught this early and talked some sense into myself.

Growth.

Just Start

Mon, 17 Jan 2011 14:00:15 +0000

It’s Martin Luther King Day. And while he’s known best for his “I Have A Dream” speech, he’s said plenty of other great things (surprised?). My favorite quote is: “Take the first step in faith. You don’t have to see the whole staircase, just take the first step.”

It’s something that I often tell people when they’re talking about how to get where they want to go: Just start. You don’t have to see the end at the beginning. You don’t have to know what the second step will be after the first. You don’t have to know where you’ll find the time or how you will afford it. You don’t have to know when it will all get done. Just start. Take on step at a time and have faith that it will all work out.

And it will all work out. It might not be the way that you planned on it working out, but it will. So whatever it is that you’ve had in your mind to do, just have faith and take the first step.

How to Stop Being Overwhelmed

Mon, 10 Jan 2011 15:00:28 +0000

I used to get overwhelmed a lot. I noticed that when I started feeling overwhelmed, nothing would get done. (Which isn’t good, because there is quite a bit to do.) I was stuck in a vicious cycle: I’d write a long to-do-list for the day, stare at it and then get completely frightened because there just wasn’t enough time to get it all done. Then I’d feel like a failure and feel terrible for feeling like a failure…and I think you can start to see the problem.

Over the past few weeks I’ve been playing with ways to be more productive and avoid feeling overwhelmed. It’s a huge part of my “work less” mission this year. It seems that I’ve found the winning formula:

1. Pick one thing to do for the day. I’ve found that if I abandon my to-do-list and aim to accomplish one thing per day, I’m far more productive. I pick the thing that absolutely has to get done and I tackle it first thing in the morning. Once I’m done with that, I feel accomplished and motivated to do more. And even if I don’t feel like doing anything else, I know that the thing that matters the most is done and everything else can wait for another day. Vicious cycle ended.

2. Outsource. Outsourcing is my new favorite thing in the world. I’ve started to get rid of those small little tasks that will free me up to do more important things. I can focus on one thing per day now because I’ve gotten rid of the time sucking tasks that were clogging up my day. I’m building a solid team using oDesk and it feels great knowing that people are working for me while I’m sleeping. And it’s outrageously cheap (I almost feel guilty…almost).

If you’re feeling overwhelmed, give this a try. I guarantee it will work.

Update: Dealing With Verbal Abuse

Wed, 05 Jan 2011 14:00:01 +0000

On New Year’s Day, I talked to AP and he remarked that it was really great to be speaking with me at the start of a new year. I agreed. In our five years of friendship, this is probably only the second time that we’ve been communicating at the beginning of January. (Our friendship has always been crazy, to say the least. ) When I wrote him that letter back in April about the way I felt he was treating me, I expected the worst, so it was nice to be at the place we were at now.

After writing the letter, things turned out better than I could have ever imagined. He was receptive (in his own way) and actually made quite an effort to change. I’m grateful that we’re able to have a stronger version of our friendship. I especially needed him as I was dealing with the ups and downs of my breakup. He listened to me whine and cry for weeks and didn’t give me a hard time about it. He supported every decision I made and even encouraged me to swallow my pride and go after what I wanted (this isn’t like him at all).

I felt very lucky that he was there.

So yes, he was right. It really was great to be talking at the start of a new year.

New Year, Same Old Dreams

Mon, 03 Jan 2011 14:42:58 +0000

So far, 2011 seems a bit strange. It’s not a bad thing, it just feels a bit different. I know where I’m going and even how I’m getting there (tentatively) but the little steps along the way frighten me just a tad. However, I will press forward with patience. I’m realizing that was the lesson I was supposed to learn at the end of 2010. There are many things that aren’t in my control and I really need to be patient as they resolve themselves. I can’t allow myself to be scared of the unknown and instead, I will continue to pursue all of my dreams and goals with heavy doses of faith.

So, here they are…all the things that I have going on this year.

1. Working less, making more. In December I read “4-Hour Work Week” and it changed my life. If you’ve read the book and followed this blog, you already know that this is the direction that I’ve been moving in. The book just helped spark a lot of important ideas on how to get where I want to be. At the end of 2010, I spent a lot of time analyzing my personal weaknesses and how they impacted the company. Many changes were needed. So now, Tia has agreed to manage all the day to day stuff, we’re outsourcing all of our admin functions, we’re adding a few more photographers and we’re getting some account managers. It will take about a month to set this all up, but once it’s done, I’ll focus on branding and communications. That’s it.

2. Moving to the city. I’ve decided to make Atlanta my base location indefinitely. (I’m hesitant about writing that down because I remember saying the same thing about DC and then ended up moving a week later.) It feels good to make a decision about this. It has been on my mind since the summer. I know that most people wouldn’t imagine that this is something really important to me, but it is. As much as I like traveling, I like my own space. I need somewhere that allows me to feel like I’m living even when I’m not traveling. I want to be able to walk to a coffee shop, have a place for photo shoots, host dinner parties, etc. The suburbs are killing me. I’ve gotten to know Atlanta a little bit now and there are a few neighborhoods that would allow me to have the lifestyle that I want. It’s not DC (it’s also not as expensive) but it will do. The goal is to find a place by June.

3. Dancing. As I twirled around my room on NYE, I realized how much I missed dancing. One of the things I was planning on doing this winter in Salvador was dancing for four months. I’ve decided that I’m going to start taking dance classes again. This is something that probably won’t happen until I move. It’s also one of the major reasons that I want to live in the city.

4. Traveling I want to travel out of the country at least three times this year. I have no set place to go but I’m looking into Jamaica, Nicaragua and a trip back to Brasil. I plan on staying put for the first six months of the year so I’ll be cramming this in the last six months.

5. This blog. I’m going to blog more consistently this year. I’ll post twice a week on Mondays and Wednesdays. (Maybe I’ll get up to three times.) One of my main goals when I started this blog was to be googleable. (Weird, I know). I searched for myself one day and I was all the way on page five! After writing for over a year, I’m now number one. Woot! Since my very superficial goal has been accomplished, my new goal is to use this blog to travel for free. I have no interest in monetizing this blog, I just want tons of perks. So, even though I consider myself to be a very behind the scenes type of person, I will be growing my personal brand.

6. Personal Projects. Back in July, I mentioned that I have this dream of having a bloco and doing a documentary in Salvador. Even though I haven’t mentioned it since, I have been taking small steps to accomplish this. The most important thing I realized was that I should wait another year. I started a Salvador website instead and I’ll work on building that up and then having the bloco in 2012. My other personal project is “In the Light”. I suffered a major setback on this one. My brother deleted all the photos from my external hard drive so I essentially have to start all over. Painful. But, I’m going to do it. Since I won’t be shooting as much for Sevan, I’ll be able to spend more time focusing on this.

This should be enough to get me through the year.

Favorite Memories and Lessons of 2010

Mon, 27 Dec 2010 14:00:07 +0000

I’m miserable. Well, I was miserable until I started listening to Nas and Damian Marley’s Distant Relatives album. It reminded me of the amazing show that they did back in June. Then I started thinking about all the great things that I’ve done this year. I realized that I’ve experienced a lot. Probably more than most people get to do in even five years. I’ve also learned a lot. Lessons that I’m sure I’ll use to help keep me on track in the future. Here’s a glimpse of what my year looked like:

January

- Started the new year on the beach in Salvador, Brasil (wearing purple while everyone else wore white).

February

-Danced in the streets of Salvador during Carnaval until 6 am in the morning and realized that being drunk is the only way to do it.
-Started off my birthday on the beach in Salvador at midnight with a bag of ruffles and a can of Skol, before being rudely interrupted my someone.

March

-Contemplated ripping up my return ticket for the US and decided against it. I learned that I should live in the moment more!

April

-Met Angela Lansbury at the Signature Theatre Gala and she’s as cool as I thought she would be.
-Learned to speak up when something is bothering me, even if it’s really, really difficult. Real friends will understand.

May

-Saw my best friend graduate from law school in Houston.
-Started dating again and met some really great guys and only one weirdo.
-Flew to New York for the day to hang out with all of my friends in Brooklyn.

June

-Started discovering that Atlanta is not all bad and there are quite a few places that I really love and would actually miss: Octane Coffee, The Glenn Hotel lobby and Spoon.
-Went to the BEST CONCERT EVER: Nas and Damian Marley. Effin win.
-Perfected cooking moqueca just in time for the World Cup (even though Brasil lost).
-Learned that I had a habit of loving men that weren’t emotionally available.

July

(Hmmm, I can’t think of anything memorable that happened in this month. Not a thing.)

August

-Met a guy and started a whirlwind relationship. There are too many memories from this to list them all.

September

-Opened myself up to love (regardless of the outcome).

October

-Went to South Carolina to meet Pearl Fryar.
-Laid on the beach in Aruba for hours by myself. Very relaxing.
-Partied with my friends in DC.

November

-Ate an insane amount of fried fish in Panama City, Panama and used Spanish I hadn’t thought about in 10 years.
-Walked the streets of Casco Viejo (Panama) and remembered why I loved colonial cities/areas.

December

- Learned that I still have a habit of loving men that are emotionally unavailable, lol.
-Started “planning” all the trips that I will take and projects that I will work on in 2011.

Whew! I’ve done quite a lot this year and I know that next year will be even better than I can imagine right now. I’m pretty fortunate. I’m excited to see what the new year will bring.

I hope that 2011 is full of exciting new adventures for you all!

How to Be Happy

Mon, 06 Dec 2010 14:00:21 +0000

I’m re-posting this blog mainly as a reminder to myself. These past few weeks have been weird and hurtful (I’ll write about it soon) and I just need some positive energy and a reminder that things will get better.

Happy, adj.: that little feeling that says you’re on top of the world.

I’ve had a lot of time to think while I’ve been here in Brazil. And the one thing that I’ve realized is that I’m pretty happy. I won’t say that I’m happy all of the time, but it’s rare that I’m sad all day…at least now.

There was a time when depression kicked my ass. No, I’m not talking about days when you just feel down. I’m talking about months of not being able to get up and subsequent medication and therapy. I’ll tell you about it quickly… I can’t pinpoint exactly when it started, but I do remember when it got worse. I was in my junior year at Howard University and I received a phone call from my father’s brother telling me that my father was going to be deported because of the child sex abuse charges against him from years prior. He told me that I had to say that I was lying because he had spoken to his brother and what I said couldn’t have possibly been true. Ummm, how about no? How about hell no, that’s definitely not going to happen? My silly little logic is that I have to live with this every day of my life, so please forgive me if I don’t mind him being taken from the comfortable life that he was used to. Sometime after that, I decided to get help.

I can now talk about things like that without getting broken up because after the depression, I saw life through completely different lenses (no pun intended, seriously). I started focusing on myself and my desire to be happy and content…and that’s really the first step:

1. Make happiness your number one goal. Many people have goals of going to college, graduating, getting a good job, starting a family, owning a home, driving a nice car, etc. My main goal in life is to be happy. No matter what other things I try to accomplish, if it doesn’t fall in line with my plan to be happy, it’s quickly removed from my life. It’s something I started practicing a few years ago and it’s changed my life. If you make happiness your main goal, everything else will fall into place. Thinking that material things will make you happy is a failure waiting to happen. That’s why rich people still jump out of buildings.

2. Pray and let it go. I was talking to one of my friends and she remarked that she didn’t know how to pray. You don’t have to be religious to pray. You don’t have to give this lengthy dissertation. You don’t even have to talk to God if you don’t want. However, it is important to be able to know that you can let out whatever it is that you are feeling and not feel judged. Most of the times when I pray, I ask for strength to get through what I’m feeling. I have a pretty cool relationship with God. I know I can always count on him to listen and laugh with me and love me. Just knowing that makes things easier for me to let go once I’ve finished praying.

3. Smile and laugh often. As I said, I’m not always happy. When I start to feel down, I change my attitude and I find something to smile about. Too many people find themselves upset over something that someone has done to them. I constantly have to remind myself that I can’t change what other people do, but I can change how I react to it and smiling is always an option that I have. If that doesn’t work, I pop in a Seinfeld DVD or 2 or 3, and I laugh. (I know I’m not supposed to like Seinfeld because Kramer is racist. But eff it, it’s still funny.)

I also turn to my friends who are the funniest people that I know. It doesn’t matter how bad the situation might be, if Steve or Rah’saan is around, it’s a damn good time. The other day they were stuck in torrential downpour in a broken car in New Jersey as they tried to get to DC to see me. What I wouldn’t have done to be there. I’m certain it was a car full of laughs.

4. Make use of suffering. As I mentioned, I’m a survivor of child sex abuse. A few years ago, I read the following quote: “You desire to know the art of living my friend, make use of suffering.” That is now the driving force behind everything I do. Every time I photograph someone for the In the Light Project or tell someone about the project, it makes me happy. I was sitting with a group of people in Brazil and the project randomly came up (I think we were talking about what type of photographer am I). It turns out that the man to my left and the woman to my right, were both survivors. As we were leaving, the man remarked how he never realized that all the things that he had felt up until that point were connected to the abuse and how much of an impact that conversation had made on his life. Dealing with child sex abuse is one of the hardest things that I’ve had to endure. Knowing that I can help someone by simply sharing my story, makes me happy. I use this traumatic incident and turn it into as many positives as I can.

5. Live YOUR life. It’s completely impossible to attend any event in Washington, DC without someone asking, “What do you do?” It’s the first thing that people ask whether it’s at a bar, a networking event, or waiting for the train. I’ve decided that my new answer to this will be, “I live.” I’m sure someone will use that answer as another reason to write me off as free-spirited. The truth is, I’m not free-spirited. I’m just me. This desire to live MY life is why I quit my job and traveled halfway around the world to a place I’ve only dreamed about. If everyone lived how they wanted to live instead of how they were told to live, the world would be a much better place filled with much happier people.

I was talking to one of my friends the other day and she was saying that she had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. About 20 minutes later she starts talking about how she just wants to go to Australia and teach surfing. It’s clear to me that this is what she wants to do with her life…even if it’s only for a short time. She’s actually had this same dream for as long as I’ve known her (about 8 years). But for some reason, our society says that we can’t dream of things like that. Don’t fall victim to what other people tell you will make you happy.

Are you happy? Why or why not?

Traveling Alone as a Woman

Mon, 20 Sep 2010 13:00:30 +0000

It was the second morning that I was in Brazil. Hours had passed since I circled around the surrounding neighborhoods getting a feel of the place; dragged my suitcase down a very steep hill into the favela I was staying; walked up the same steep hill to the corner market; wandered around the market grabbing a few things that I couldn’t figure out how I would pay for since I lacked all knowledge of the language; and walked back down the same steep hill where I tried desperately to get Internet access before failing and passing out exhausted. Even more hours had passed since I cried myself to sleep in the wee hours of the morning on the red eye flight from Miami to Salvador.

As I awoke on this morning, I realized just how far away from home I was. How foreign everything (including the language) really seemed. I opened the bedroom door, stepped on the wide veranda overlooking the bay with the fishermen and their boats headed out for the day. As I took in the surroundings, I realized that it really was beautiful here. Wherever here really turned out to be.

I walked a few steps to the slightly tilted, wooden futon. I sat. I stared. I stared some more. Then I asked myself, “What am I going to do today?” It was an odd question really. So odd that I had to say it aloud for a few times just to make sense of it. The absurdity of it made me chuckle.

The answer: I had no idea. I had come to Brazil with no purpose, no real goal, no set itinerary, no friends to visit…and on top of all of that, I couldn’t remember the last time I’d ask myself what I was going to do without the answer being influenced by outside forces. For once, I was on my own. Here, in this strange place to figure it all out.

I remember this morning often when I think of my first adventure in the world as a single woman. It was at that moment that I realized one of the joys of being by myself was that I could do whatever I wanted, even if it meant sitting on a futon and being terrified.

I could sit and stare at the ocean for hours, I could venture outside and find the beach or I could try and locate a place with decent WIFI.

Here’s what else I learned about traveling alone and why any woman can (and should) do it.

1. You’re never really alone. That first day, I realized that there were tons of people traveling by themselves and eager to make new friends. If someone as shy as me can sit and talk to strangers, anyone can do it. (Nobody ever believes that I’m shy, but I really am. I just mask it well with charm). It’s easier to meet people when you’re by yourself. That’s actually true whether you’re in another country or not.

2. You can do what you want. I’m not big on traditional tourist destinations. I’ve yet to see anything that a guidebook has pointed me to in Brasil. A good trip for me includes beaches and cafes. When you’re traveling by yourself, you’re free to create your own itinerary.

3. You learn more about yourself. I’m sure I’ve mentioned this several times before…I cried plenty on the flight to Salvador. Plenty. I was afraid. Not just of the trip, but what I was going to do with the rest of my life. Being able to “survive” on my own for a month in a foreign place taught me more things about myself than I could possibly express here. I was freed.