I received an interesting comment yesterday from another blogger named Kamakula. In it, he asked what my relationship dealbreakers were. Well, he actually asked if I knew what I was looking for. And I actually do. Or rather, I know what will immediately make someone a no.
Here are the dealbreakers:
1. Smokers. This just won’t work. I’m allergic to it. Yes, smoke allergies exist. It literally makes me sick. I have a sneaky feeling that even if I didn’t go into coughing fits, I still wouldn’t want to be with a smoker. It’s just not healthy.
2. Having an unhealthy diet. I don’t need someone that stays in the gym or is obsessive about the way they eat. But, they should care about their overall health. Fruits and vegetables are kinda important. It’s not a myth. If you’re actively working on getting better, that’s cool. We can do it together.
3. Can’t see them around my friends. My friends are a very diverse bunch and they normally welcome new people with open arms as long as they have a sense of humor. They strongly dislike people that are not funny and I do too. If I can’t picture the person that I’m with around my friends, I know it won’t work. They don’t have to become best friends with them, but it should be easy for them to keep up the vibe.
4. Hating mom. I’ve done this before and it doesn’t work well. It’s just really kind of hard to love and respect women if you wish the person that birthed you would die in a burning car with a blow dryer attached to their face. You don’t have to be best friends with your mother, but I need to know that you wish her well.
5. No passion. This one should probably be #1. There are so many things that I am passionate about, I just really couldn’t be with something that didn’t have anything that they loved. I don’t care if it’s walking dogs in the park on Fridays. Something must excite you. I don’t need to get it. I just need to know that there is something out their that drives you.
6. Moves too quickly. If someone mentions anything sexual too quickly, I write them off the list. It’s just a really huge turnoff for me. No jokes with sexual innuendos. I promise, they’re not funny.
7. Not affectionate. I don’t come across as being a very affectionate person, but I definitely am…very much so. I need a good balance of someone that will give me hugs and kisses and will also do it in silence for those times when that’s all I need. I just couldn’t be with someone that never wanted to touch me. I’d rather have someone that was overly affectionate than someone that showed no affection any day.
8. Shorter than 5’7. As you can see, this list isn’t filled with loads of physical dealbreakers. However, if I didn’t add this one, I’d be lying. I’m 5’6 and I need someone taller than me. I don’t think it’s that terrible.
9. Nope, nothing here. Ending at 9 just seemed odd.
10. Doesn’t believe in God. I saved this one for last because I’ve realized lately that this is the one that knocks most people out. Everything seems to be going well and then it’s like…God, eh. Nope, not gonna work. I wouldn’t consider myself to be a religious person, but yes I do believe in God and I do believe in the Bible (for a second I started to lose faith in it, but when I went back and started doing more reading, it turns out that it’s exactly what I thought it was and people just twist things around for their own benefit. I digress…). I know there could be no long term future with someone that doesn’t have that same foundation. We can be friends without a problem. But if I’m going to sign up to spend the rest of my life with a person, I need to know we’ll both turn in the same direction when things get hard. Prayer is cool.
Do you have any dating dealbreakers?
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Viajera
1 year ago
2 – Have you SEEN what/how most men eat?!!!
8 – I think that if he’s hot enough and fulfills the other 8 criteria, you’ll bend.
Viajera´s last blog ..Germany loses-
shannon
1 year ago
2 – I think this sounds more wild than I meant it. I just don’t think I could deal with someone that’s a complete snob. Fortunately, I don’t think I’ve ever run across the type of person that I’m imagining here.
8. There is probably something politically incorrect about me making this statement, but I could not imagine dating someone that was 5’2. I wouldn’t absolutely rule it out, but it would be a tough sell.
Balanced Melting Pot
1 year ago
While I think it’s good to have a grasp on what you are looking for, I would suggest being flexible when it comes to lists. If I think back to the list I had prior to meeting my husband, I probably wouldn’t have given him a chance. I think doing what feels right is the most important. If you start picking someone apart because he doesn’t meet the criteria listed here, he’s not the right person for you anyway. Just my two cents…
Balanced Melting Pot´s last blog ..I’ve created a Nintendo monster-
shannon
1 year ago
I think my list is pretty flexible. (Seriously, if you see something that makes you say, eh, she’s crazy, I’d love the insight.) But for me, I know that these are things that I can’t deal with. There’s no way I can be with someone that smokes, that’s lazy, doesn’t believe in God and isn’t affectionate. It might work for a few years, but in the end, I know I wouldn’t be happy. I’ve realized that if I’m going to be ok with marriage, I have to give myself every possible way to succeed at it.
Balanced Melting Pot
1 year ago
Nothing stands out to make me say “she’s crazy”, lol. I just think that this a list of things you want now. Part of a relationship is growing with the person, so to be so rigid about things that may not be so relevant 5 years from now, you may miss out. For instance, when I first met my husband, spending a lot of time together was very important to me. I wanted to be that couple who did everything together – him, not so much. However, over time, I realized that all that time together actually got on my nerves. I needed more alone time as I got older and sometimes I feel he wants to hang out more frequently than I do (who’d a thunk it). But anyhoo, that’s all I meant by being flexible about a list, but it sounds like you are and that’s great!
Balanced Melting Pot´s last blog ..What Keeps Me up at Night
But He Smokes… | Shannon S. Evans
1 year ago
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