Not sure I’ve mentioned it yet, but I decided to give the online dating thing a go. I figured, I don’t really know many people in the area, it’s possible to meet crazies anywhere (and I have), so, why not. I must say, overall, online dating is really not bad. On my first few dates with a few guys, I’ve learned a few things about myself as it relates to dating.
1. I really need to go slow. This started becoming a bit clearer when a guy kissed me on the second date. I just wasn’t ready for it. I thought I could like the guy, but at that point, I wasn’t sure. And somehow, that accelerated the “relationship” to a place I wasn’t ready for. I’ve learned my lesson…no kissing for awhile. And if I’m that serious about kissing, imagine how I feel about touching. A guy’s hand found his way on my thigh during the first date (which was unimpressive to say the least). Seriously dude, my thigh doesn’t want your hand. Get it off! We’ve met online and this is the first date (I’m really counting it as a pre-date) so, YOUR hand anywhere near MY body is just not going to fly. It actually makes me a little queasy. (Queasy is a word, right?)
2. I know nothing about dating. I haven’t had a serious relationship in five years and I just don’t get it. I have no idea what I’m supposed to say or do. I know, just be myself, right? Well, instead of my cool, calm self. I fear that these guys are getting a very watered down version of that person. I hate to admit it, but I can be incredibly socially awkward. It’s not something people expect for me, so it comes across even more…weird.
3. Dating experts know nothing about dating. When I realized I didn’t know anything, I turned to reading every advice topic I could find on dating, because I’m weird like that. As obsessed as I was with them, I soon realized that these people knew nothing either. Some of these “rules” were just downright idiotic. Don’t call a women until 4 days later so you don’t appear desperate. Don’t answer when he calls. Be mysterious, but not weird. Don’t eat these foods on first dates. Ughhhh….these people know nothing.
4. I need a new social circle. I have tons of really great friends, but we’re not in the same city. As I was hanging out with these guys I realized that this had now become my social life. If I wasn’t out with a guy, I was at home working. No real problem, working is what I need to be doing, but I started feeling well…a little desperate. I know it isn’t true, but I just didn’t like that I had nothing else going on, unless I was out of town. I’ve joined a few meetups and went out a with a great group of women for dinner this weekend. I immediately feel better. New rule: Have a social life before you start dating. Just kidding, Just kidding. (Kinda.)
That’s it for now. I’ll keep dating and learning. And avoiding guys that try to put their hands on my thighs. Any advice for a socially awkward gal?
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nuri
1 year ago
i’m in the same boat as you. except that i’m convinced ny has way more creeps per square foot than atl (you’re still living in atl right now, right?), so i haven’t even made it onto a date yet. i wish i had some advice…i’m also convinced i’m way more socially awkward than you, lol. just commenting to say keep at it. the social circle before dates is a great point.
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shannon
1 year ago
I think dating in NY would be great! Although I do imagine that there are more crazies there. But there are also many more cool eclectic people. The thing that I couldn’t do is the commute. If I live in Brooklyn and you live in Harlem, errr, it wouldn’t work. An hour trip in the same city?!??! But, I digress…
My advice, just go out with anyone. I still don’t get dating and I’m convinced that I suck at it, but they say practice makes perfect. I’m sure you’ll meet some cool people along the way. Try the site: How About We? It makes it more fun and activity based. I wish they were in Atlanta.
Viajera
1 year ago
I met my bf online without even looking for anything, but I know I lucked out. My sister has done a lot of online dating and some of the experiences were not pretty.
You’re absolutely right about the social circle. Get a good group/few people around you and it will help.
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shannon
1 year ago
I think online working can definitely work. I’ve convinced myself that I’m pretty normal (kinda) so there must be a few men out there like myself that are online. I’m glad to hear another success story!
nuri
1 year ago
that’s crazy, i just read about ‘how about we’ earlier today before seeing your reply. i definitely plan to check it out. means i have to do some brainstorming
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shannon
1 year ago
Let me know how it goes! Have you ever been to an improv show? It’s my new favorite thing ever. Solid outing.
kamakula
1 year ago
Dating experts give advice to people who have been dating and find themselves making mistakes that keep the relationship from moving forward. Most of them are not giving relationship advice to relative newcomers.
How soon are you going out on dates with people you meet online? In terms of time, how much conversation you’ve had, etc. Between when I first “met” someone online and an actual date, it is usually at least a month. During which we’ve established a pretty good connection email/messaging back and forth then talking on the phone. All of my last dates have lasted 3+ hours simply because you lose track of time.
Then again, do you know what you want or what you are looking for? I knew the kind of relationship I wanted and less the exact person I was looking for though I knew some specifics on what I liked and was able to accept as well as things which were absolute deal breakers.
I guess what I’m saying is that with online dating, you are in a unique situation to take your time and better get to know the people with whom you share an attraction. Take advantage of that and it will help improve the experience you have on your dates.
shannon
1 year ago
Kamakula, you’ve given me a lot to think about. For me, I don’t like the online interaction to take place for too long before I meet the person. Mainly because I’m impatient, but also because I think it’s easy to have a connection with someone over the phone or through email and have a completely different interaction with them in person. This approach normally works for me because once we meet in person, I don’t feel like I’ve wasted all this time getting to know them. Ideally I’d like to exchange a few messages back and forth, speak on the phone once and then meet in person. This process takes no more than 2 weeks. Now as for the deal breakers, I’ll make that a post today.