Comments on: You Can’t Expect People to Act the Way that You Do

By: nuri

nuri — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:45:15 +0000

i’m so feeling the world maps concept as well. thanks for sharing.

By: nuri

nuri — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 14:44:34 +0000

i have always loathed comparisons. my motto is whatever a person finds to be most important in life is equal to what their friend/family member finds most important to them. and those 2 things, no matter how different they look/feel/sound, are reciprocal. to each their own. one has to step outside of themselves and be empathetic to really, truly get that.

i also feel you on how one small instance or statement can set off a fire storm. i’ve had this type of reaction before to someone saying one carefully placed phrase to me. it can be a trying thing to deal with. but in the end, i always remind myself that my feelings and reactions matter as much as theirs.

just do you and be happy, and everything else will fall into place

By: shannon

shannon — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 02:27:50 +0000

I remember that episode of SATC! And you’re right, that’s exactly what it’s like. Her friend tries to tell her that she needs to grow up and not spend so much money on shoes just because her friend has a child and is no longer doing that.

I also love the “world map” concept. I’ll have to remember that.

By: shannon

shannon — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 02:21:10 +0000

It’s crazy because I feel that once upon a time I knew all of this and it’s kinda the motto that I’ve been living with for awhile now. Thanks for the reminder!

By: shannon

shannon — Tue, 10 Nov 2009 02:17:24 +0000

Yeah, dit-to. I’m (slowly) realizing that this is just the way that it will be. I can’t fully expect them to understand and I guess it’s ok. I just won’t let it stop me from doing what makes me happy.

By: Caldeia

Caldeia — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 23:14:05 +0000

Shannon, going to Brazil is like getting married AND having a baby for you but this is not the norm in society therefore people react. I came to think of an episode of Sex & the city where Carry gets all this baby shower/getting married invitations and spends lots of money on them AND someone steels her Manolo shoes (poor girl…) But at the end she send a want-list for some shoes to celebrate herself being single. I think the point was made! My friends had issues with me when i planned my 25th b-day in Lisbon. So I went and the friends (true ones) who respected my wish (and had the economic possibility) and wanted to celebrate this day with me came with me! We had a faaaab time!

While studying group dynamics i learnt one thing that has been handy. Every individual goes through different things and experiences in life and from that, and the norms that your surroundings give you, you create some kind of a “world map” Now in order to understand other people we compare our “maps” with eachother, because that’s a human thing to do. But often we ignore that the other person’s map is different from ours because of factors we don’t know or can’t relate to on our own.

I agree with you when saying, too bad for you that you’re pregnant and can’t come with to Brazil! The kid will be around for yeeeeeeeears but your Brazil trip on your 27th b-day is only ones – LIVE IT! =)))

great post btw =)

By: Rhona

Rhona — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 16:03:55 +0000

Please! Your going to Brazil is just as important as someone having a baby. Brazil is a milestone for you. I HATE when people make others feel guilty for having different thoughts or goals than them. Being a bit older than you, I can say that you might experience this in life a lot. I always feel guilty for things but you have to prioritize and please yourself in the end. In life you have to have a good balance. Doing for others and yourself. Not being around for the birth will not make the event for your friend any less special. You will see the child eventually. I have written a few posts on similar situations with friends so you are not alone. Don’t take it personally and live the life you mapped out for yourself.
Rhona´s last blog ..Bike travel

By: Cynthia

Cynthia — Mon, 09 Nov 2009 15:09:23 +0000

Testify, girl. I’m on the same wavelength. In fact, I might just blog about it because I had something recent that has struck a chord with me too. I also believe that you are right, I think a lot of people are selfish (which some selfishness is a good thing) but I also think a lot of people are one tracked minded (guys and girls) because they believe that all people have this linear way of thinking and if you aren’t on that path it bothers them. The truth is we all have our own lives to lead, to some it would be getting married and having kids to others it might be just getting married or just having kids or going back to school or leaving the country to do other things. The bottom line is that you all are pursuing your dreams (at least I hope so) and you should never be made to feel bad about that. You should feel supported just like you support your friends even if they don’t understand it; they are your friend and should be okay with it. It’s not personal slight against them, it’s just something that you have to do…
Cynthia´s last blog ..So…I tried Modern Dance on Saturday.