I have trust issues. It’s not really something that I like to admit or really acknowledge, but they’re there. I’d knocked most of them out after dealing with the whole child sex abuse thing and then Big (everyone has one, right?) came around and left and came around and left and well…now I’m just a bit more jaded than I was before.
Ironically, when I was in Salvador the first time, I let the wall come tumbling down. I opened up my heart and said, eff it, I’ll actually allow myself to like someone and not worry too much about what happens next. Well, it didn’t work out—to make a very confusing story short. The good thing was that I wasn’t too torn about it.
Now, I’ve slowly built that wall back up. And after I had lunch with this American guy today that was helping me with a few things for my next trip, I doubt it will come down anytime soon. During our four-hour conversation, he told me not to trust Brazilians and especially the men about 50 times. That’s a helluva warning, I only wished I got it a little bit sooner.
As he explained it, our cultures are just different. Whereas in American culture, a huge emphasis is placed on honesty, trustworthiness and being transparent (although this is usually not the case), Brazilian culture preaches just the opposite. Here, it’s important to be cunning and sneaky and if you happen to fall for it, then you’re the fool. Lying is part of their culture and it’s not seen as a bad thing.
WTF!?!? This doesn’t make any sense to me.
I later talked to my Brazilian friend about it and he confirmed it. He stated, “I was born lying.” It’s just what they do. He says he does it mostly if he doesn’t want someone to get mad, but on a whole, Bainos lie a lot.
I still don’t know how I feel about this. On one hand, I think it’s completely terrible to feel like you can’t trust anyone. But on the other, I feel relieved. How so? Well, now that I know that I can’t trust anyone, it just seems easier to act accordingly. Like, I’m not crazy for not trusting anyone.
My only worry is if I stay here for a few months or years, what will happen to me in the rest of the world?
Regardless, I feel a little bit better being on the same non-trusting page as everyone else. It would really suck to be the only one trusting people around here.
Can you say loss? Seriously, imagine that shite: You come to a country and start trusting people when they’re culture says, “Meh, trust is bullshit. “
Big loss. And I want no parts of it. So, I just won’t trust here. I’ll believe absolutely nothing that I hear. Sounds easy enough.
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July 29th, 2009 → 11:19 am @
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