Happy, adj.: that little feeling that makes you feel like you’re on top of the world.

I’ve had a lot of time to think while I’ve been here in Brazil. And the one thing that I’ve realized is that I’m pretty happy. I won’t say that I’m happy all of the time, but it’s rare that I’m sad all day…at least now.

There was a time when depression kicked my ass. No, I’m not talking about days when you just feel down. I’m talking about months of not being able to get up and subsequent medication and therapy. I’ll tell you about it quickly… I can’t pinpoint exactly when it started, but I do remember when it got worse. I was in my junior year at Howard University and I received a phone call from my father’s brother telling me that my father was going to be deported because of the child sex abuse charges against him from years prior. He told me that I had to say that I was lying because he had spoken to his brother and what I said couldn’t have possibly been true.

Ummm, how about no? How about hell no, that’s definitely not going to happen? My silly little logic is that I have to live with this every day of my life, so please forgive me if I don’t mind him being taken from the comfortable life that he was used to. Sometime after that, I decided to get help.
I can now talk about things like that without getting broken up because after the depression, I saw life through completely different lenses (no pun intended, seriously).  I started focusing on myself and my desire to be happy and content…and that’s really the first step:

1.    Make happiness your number one goal. Many people have goals of going to college, graduating, getting a good job, starting a family, owning a home, driving a nice car, etc. My main goal in life is to be happy. No matter what other things I try to accomplish, if it doesn’t fall in line with my plan to be happy, it’s quickly removed from my life. It’s something I started practicing a few years ago and it’s changed my life. If you make happiness your main goal, everything else will fall into place. Thinking that material things will make you happy is a failure waiting to happen. That’s why rich people still jump out of buildings.

2.    Pray and let it go. I was talking to one of my friends and she remarked that she didn’t know how to pray. You don’t have to be religious to pray. You don’t have to give this lengthy dissertation. You don’t even have to talk to God if you don’t want. However, it is important to be able to know that you can let out whatever it is that you are feeling and not feel judged. Most of the times when I pray, I ask for strength to get through what I’m feeling. I have a pretty cool relationship with God. I know I can always count on him to listen and laugh with me and love me. Just knowing that makes things easier for me to let go once I’ve finished praying.

3.    Smile and laugh often. As I said, I’m not always happy. When I start to feel down, I change my attitude and I find something to smile about. Too many people find themselves upset over something that someone has done to them. I constantly have to remind myself that I can’t change what other people do, but I can change how I react to it and smiling is always an option that I have. If that doesn’t work, I pop in a Seinfeld DVD or 2 or 3, and I laugh. (I know I’m not supposed to like Seinfeld because Kramer is racist. But eff it, it’s still funny.)

I also turn to my friends who are the funniest people that I know. It doesn’t matter how bad the situation might be, if Steve or Rah’saan is around, it’s a damn good time. The other day they were stuck in torrential downpour in a broken car in New Jersey as they tried to get to DC to see me. What I wouldn’t have done to be there. I’m certain it was a car full of laughs.

4.    Make use of suffering. As I mentioned, I’m a survivor of child sex abuse. A few years ago, I read the following quote: “You desire to know the art of living my friend, make use of suffering.” That is now the driving force behind everything I do. Every time I photograph someone for the In the Light Project or tell someone about the project, it makes me happy. I was sitting with a group of people in Brazil and the project randomly came up (I think we were talking about what type of photographer am I).

It turns out that the man to my left and the woman to my right, were both survivors. As we were leaving, the man remarked how he never realized that all the things that he had felt up until that point were connected to the abuse and how much of an impact that conversation had made on his life. Dealing with child sex abuse is one of the hardest things that I’ve had to endure. Knowing that I can help someone by simply sharing my story, makes me happy. I use this traumatic incident and turn it into as many positives as I can.

5.    Live YOUR life. It’s completely impossible to attend any event in Washington, DC without someone asking, “What do you do?” It’s the first thing that people ask whether it’s at a bar, a networking event, or waiting for the train. I’ve decided that my new answer to this will be, “I live.” I’m sure someone will use that answer as another reason to write me off as free-spirited. The truth is, I’m not free-spirited. I’m just me. This desire to live MY life is why I quit my job, traveled halfway around the world to a place I’ve only dreamed about.

If everyone lived how they wanted to live instead of how they were told to live, the world would be a much better place filled with much happier people. I was talking to one of my friends the other day and she was saying that she had no idea what she wanted to do with her life. About 20 minutes later she starts talking about how she just wants to go to Australia and teach surfing. It’s clear to me that this is what she wants to do with her life…even if it’s only for a short time. She’s actually had this same dream for as long as I’ve known her (about 8 years). But for some reason, our society says that we can’t dream of things like that. Don’t fall victim to what other people tell you will make you happy.

Are you happy? Why or why not?

Related posts:

1. How to Be Happy
2. Dealing With A Break Up
3. The First Post